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Don't Tell
I'm happy, but don't tell anyone,
I have to keep it a secret from myself especially, I know I'll ruin it, sabotage myself into thinking it's either not real, or it's tainted by the what-ifs or the could've beens that lurk like animated shadows waiting to hug me and win me over, but I am trying not to let them because right now, this very minute, I'm okay, and I'm happy, and I'm safe, and there's a cloud around me protecting me, separating me. Please don't tell anyone. You must've. It's gone. How can I trust you now? How can I trust anyone? I can't even trust myself. My happiness is gone. I just had it. And it's gone. You know what would make me happy? Being me, fully, and not caring what anyone else thought, and being happy being crazy, being wild, doing whatever I wanted. I can get there, but then it's time for bed, and everyone's asleep. I had it once. Maybe I held it too tight, maybe I didn't love it enough, maybe I never wanted it to begin with, and maybe it wasn't my fault, but it was nice while it lasted. I'll spend the rest of my life looking for it in all the wrong places. © 2014 Nicholas Emeigh |
Read by the Author
COMING
SOON |
SoundCloud Reading
Part of the group "Record-A-Poem," and part of the Playlist "The Poetry of Nicholas Emeigh" which includes 40+ other poems.
COMING
SOON
SOON
Notes: This poem was written on Friday, February 14, 2014. It's about the way I am with happiness. Or the way happiness is with me. It's fleeting.
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