I subscribe to a men's fashion blog called Four Pins, and I used to love it. I read it every day since its inception, but I got one too many doses of the word "alphets" thanks to yesterday's e-mail digest. I don't know if they think they're cool or just trying too hard to be funny, but using the non-words "alphets" or "alphet" or "alphits" or "alfits" to replace "outfits" is unacceptable. It made me so mad that I unsubscribed from their e-mails. I can't stand seeing "alphets" in an otherwise intelligent blog. Here is the blog that broke the camel's back:
Long sleeve polos were very much my thing in junior high. Shit like that and rugby shirts paired with incredibly baggy khaki pants was the maneuver for a few years straight. I remember I thought a white polo like this Palace shirt, khakis and a Tigers hat worn backwards was the fucking truth when it came to alphets. I also remember hemp necklaces making sporadic appearances. Remember hot girls that made hemp necklaces? If I had a kid and he came home from school with a hemp necklace on I'd be like, "Ah, I see you, seed. You trying to get some under-the-shirt-over-the bra action at a 7:30 showing of Happy Gilmore? Just remember, not all hemp necklaces last forever, nah mean?" Yeah, I would be a pretty shitty dad.
I'm over this bullshit. Spell words as they were meant to be spelled and stop making up your own weird pop culture zeitgeist shit. It's even on Urban Dictionary, which makes it more idiotic. No one thinks it's funny. It only makes you look stupid. Stop it!
Mark Twain said it beautifully, "All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure. ” Oh, so true!
I went to WalMart tonight to pick up some tea and ice cream (wonderful combo, I know), and was astonished at the level of happiness I saw in individuals who are very clearly and hopelessly ignorant. Now, I don't mean rude or stupid, although some of them could be, but I mean that they have no connection to the realities of humanity and the way it works.
They seem to go along, very happily, as large, lazy, junk eaters who only gain amusement out of being confronted by the ways of the world and other people. I marveled at the lack of concern about what others must think of them, and stood in wonderment at the self checkout as a woman devoured a melted carton of Ben and Jerry's ice cream as she paid for her diabetic-coma-waiting-to-happen grocery bill with a food stamp card. She looked stress-free without a care in the world.
Meanwhile, I can't leave the house if I haven't showered and made myself presentable, even if it's just a trip to WalMart. I need to see a therapist twice a week to work on issues that stem as far back as my single digit childhood years. I am always stressed, and even have panic attacks. This leaves me thinking I've been living this life devastatingly wrong, and I am surely missing out on some secret. The secret of not giving a shit. If someone could clue me in to this awesome way of living, please do so in the comments. Thank you in advance!
Miley Cyrus Acts Like An Asshole At The European Music Awards, Makes Me Hate Her Even More Than I Already Do
First of all, wearing what resembles a bathing suit that barely covers your lady goods is just poor taste. You are not sexually attractive to boys your own age. By styling yourself the way that you do, you've become attractive to creepy older men who like androgynous post pubescent boy-girls. Your Mohawk is past its prime, and so are your antics.
Lighting a joint on stage after winning an award at the European Music Awards is the perfect way to pay your respect to the institution that awarded you, and the public that voted for you. It is never classy to light a joint, wear what you wore, or to speak like you spoke. Your speech and choice of wardrobe allow your trailer park nature to outshine whatever talent you may have. "Wrecking Ball" is a good song, and it is such a shame you sing it.
Subscribe for Updates
My name is Nicholas Emeigh, but everyone calls me Nick, and I prefer it. I'm usually called Nicholas when I'm in trouble. I'm from the Philadelphia area, work in business, and fancy myself as a freelance graphic designer, writer, and artist. I have a passion for art in all its forms including music, but I restrict my singing to the shower and the car for the good of society. If you'd like to know more, just send me an e-mail. I really appreciate you stopping by.